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...that we're free to do anything.
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2008|01:59 am] |
Well, I found something to think about heh.
" wow, i really did forget about this journal. a lot has happened since the last time i posted something. i don't think i'm going to bother updating my page from here on. well, i might. But...what do i feel right now? how do i feel?i'm trying to ignore how i feel. my heart has been bleeding off and on again and recently i finally ripped open the wound. it's like i had this wound for the longest time and ignored it's bitter taste for something enjoyably sweet. in a way, i was stubborn and didn't want to let go or pull the knife out. i thought that if i just kept it there, i could heal with it in me. But God showed me another way. He opened my eyes. i guess, now i understand that the knife being there would never become dull or soften it's edges unless i took it out myself. So right now, i'm healing. With all my heart, hopefully, that knife will allow itself to become dull again. Maybe one day, that knife that i am so familiar with will come back... with a real dull blade. Until then, i'll be waiting."
I have a talent for finding ways to torment myself over this. Even months later.
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2008|01:57 am] |
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Can't fucking sleep. I've got nothing to do and nothing to think about. I'm bored. And I can't sleep. |
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| Reversion |
[May. 25th, 2008|12:57 am] |
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I'm back. Full bore. No more bullshit. I've streamlined myself and cut all of the nonsense out. Time to see what I'm really capable of. |
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| There's this and death. And I've got a 1 in 6 shot... |
[Oct. 25th, 2007|09:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Tired of chasing the wind..... | ] |
Been a bit since I've been on here, but as with many of my entries I find myself alone and bored and thus pondering. I'm really just done with everything beyond work at this point. I'm saving money I honestly don't need. I piss what little of it I bother to take out on things I don't really want or need besides food, which is the primary source of my spending. I keep looking for the upside of it all. Yeah, I've got friends and family, I've got a job (ok pay, but definitely not purpose driven or career worthy), I have a working vehicle...but it just all feels like moot to me. It doesn't get me anywhere. My existence has really become that of the man without brother or son. I work for nothing. I wake up for nothing. I speak for nothing. I want nothing therefore I do nothing, consequently rendering my existence nothing. Why bother? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 2nd, 2007|12:18 am] |
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No matter where I go or what I do, this kills me. All day. Every day. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 12th, 2007|07:45 pm] |
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I don't know how much more of this I can take. The door looks more and more tempting every day. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2007|08:06 pm] |
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I am Jack's peptic ulcer and impending aneurysm. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 10th, 2007|10:29 pm] |
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I want to breathe smoke... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2007|12:51 am] |
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I feel so friggin' stuck sometimes... |
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| 10 things I should change |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|08:34 pm] |
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Well, this is directed more at the disciple population of SFCC, but anybody can feel free to answer as they see fit. Doesn't have to be 10 can be more or less, I'm just trying to get an idea here. Feedback is greatly appreciated guys. Thanks |
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k0nstrukt's journal